When did I become that person that people tip toe around? Like last night my friend got upset about the anniversary of her grannys death coming up. She started to cry but then stopped and looked at me and said ‘I feel bad now because your mother is dead and here I am crying about my granny’. To which I said you don’t have to feel bad for crying, it doesn’t matter to me at this stage. Was that cold? Have I become the cold hearted bitch that’s so rash and judgmental that no one can say anything to me? That’s what hurts me most. The fact that I am seen as this THING. A dark black thing.
Like today I went to the doctor. I have tonsillitis and I was told that I would need to have them taken out. I rung my sister and she of course began to give out to me about how I sleep in awkward places and my diet isn’t that good. I’m a student. I don’t know what student can afford a gourmet dinner everyday but I know I can’t. That’s beside the point. I snapped at her. I was sick of everyone nagging at me. I am in the thick of college work and my head is kinda gone. I’m so stressed I can barely sleep at night. I’m barely eating and getting next to no exercise. I also recently had a fight with my housemate. She wrote me a note- explaining to me that I was extremely dirty (which I am not!). Cheers.
Not only that but it was my mothers birthday last week. She passed away four years ago….need I say more?